"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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