I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
