I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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