would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize