Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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