feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
