I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize