Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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