i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
