Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
