Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
