PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
