Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
