then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
