I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Enjoy the penises
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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