it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
