i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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