Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
