We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
