I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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