That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
