your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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