I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
