I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
