if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
