But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
