Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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