My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
