She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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