there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We have started to decorate penises.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
