Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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