I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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