I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
