Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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