it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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