i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize