she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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