you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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