My room smells like vodka and shame
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
