Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize