I wish I could teleport
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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