If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize