That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
