my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize