I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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