I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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