unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize