it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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