I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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