what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
