According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
