there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
