I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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