what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
