I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
