By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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