Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
