I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
