It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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