Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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