Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
