guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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