you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
