Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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